A Successful Marriage Means A Mutual Sharing Of Dreams And Goals

By Frank Woods


A marriage is never static. The old rubric applies indeed to any marital relationship blessed either by the Church or by an honorable judge, as change informs each stage in the journey towards lifelong commitment. Both as a couple and as individuals.

This marital growth requires a great deal of commitment, trust, effort and reciprocity. A happy and harmonious marriage is not a direct result of happenstance; rather, it is hard work and commitment that helps build one.

The basic element of "being one" in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples need to be open with each other about their interests, dreams and goals.

For a married couple to handle certain problems without having any goals in common established, that could often be a task of Herculean proportions. A marriage is a sacrament that requires mutual support and cooperation, and oftentimes it is these goals that remind a couple that they should do so instead of engaging in an endless battle of one-upmanship.

Married couples should cooperate and work towards these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion. If there is an incongruence in terms of goals, then that should not hinder you. Talk and recognize that you both have needs, and try to set goals that will enable both sets of needs to be satisfied. Who knows, you and your partner might have had similar dreams and goals to begin with; it just so happened that you were taking divergent paths pursuant to realizing these dreams. Talking it over can help both of you circumvent any lack of consonance or agreement in your individual paths.

Often when you take time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. That just might have been what attracted the two of you to each other all those years ago. When we say goals, what exactly do we mean? Your goals can center on myriad things, may they be related to your children, your family, your friends, your work, your possessions, hobbies or favorite diversions.

If you find yourself in such an impasse and need to understand the goals of your partner, here are some quick pointers to follow.

Know your better half. What precepts, ideals and virtues does he/she consider to be a de rigueur part of who she/is?

Bond and respond. In every facet of your spouse's career, family life and life in general, dreams and goals abound. Be cognizant to what exists outside of the marriage, and empathize whenever necessary; be there for your partner in the good times and the bad times alike.

Be influenced by your spouse. If decisions are to be made, share in the decision making. Have some understanding to your partner's goals, and be supportive, at the very least, even if the goals are not aligned to your set of precepts or beliefs.

Learn to compromise. When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational. Do not resort to irrational or angry behavior.

If the two of you have a strong reciprocal understanding of your common dreams and goals and even those that are not similar, this strengthens your marital bond while making your married life less discordant and more harmonious. Remember that your partners in life, for life.




About the Author: