Created by Jimmie Burroughs
I have handled grief many times in my life, but the hardest grief I have ever had to cope with was the lost of by spouse who was also my very best friend. Not only did I must lose her to death, but I also had to see her suffer the agony and anguish of cancer and die a slow and agonizing death. Everybody must experience grief at some specific point in our life. I'd like to help you if you're experiencing grief now, or when you do at some future time, by sharing how I dealt with the best grief of my life, and what I did that helped me the most.
Grief is the physical, emotional and psychological conditions experienced by a loss of someone close. It is the body's natural capability of healing our emotional injury. Mourning can be incredibly tough if there's a shortage of understanding. Usually it is experienced in three distinct phases which lead up to a last approval and ability to continue on with life:
1. The 1st phase is Shock or a denial of what has happened. This could last only a short time or can be elongated virtually indefinitely. The earlier one can come to grips with the grim reality of it, the better.
2. The second phase is The Expression of Grief which can take many alternative approaches such as anger, depression or an over whelming feeling of loss. This can persist for a few days, or for some even several years. I have known some who were never in a position to get past this phase.
3. The 3rd and last phase is Acceptance. The object of grief is to move someone gradually along through all 3 phases till finally they reach the point of approval. At that point they are now prepared to pick up their life, or seek a new direction for their life.
Understanding grief and knowing how to Deal with it is important. It is not that uncommon for someone to mourn themselves to death. Sometimes when somebody loses a loved one, they also die within a few months because of the stress it brings to their body. Although grief is a therapeutic process in itself, if it is not understood, and if care isn't brought to let it do its natural work, then the end results can be devastating. The objective is to handle grief in a way as to bring healing in a reasonable period.
Different ways of responding to grief
Grief is a standard and natural response to any sort of loss, particularly to the death of a friend or loved one. People make a response to loss in a variety of ways. Many ways are healthy and others are not quite so healthy. Grief, itself, is a coping mechanism, but it isn't difficult to hinder the grieving process by not understanding it and without knowing the proper way to work through it. Grieving is not a matter of just forgetting, nor is it a process that has to continue for evermore.
There are many emotions that different people feel at the loss of a friend or family member. I had just a few, but every person will have a different experience; some will experience few emotions while others may experience many. The most effective way is to let emotions run their course. Here is essentially what I experienced when I lost my better half to cancer:
- An occasional Session of crying
- A sadness in my heart
- A feeling or sensing the loved one's presence
- An occasional need to tell and retell stories about my loved one and the death experience
- An occasional feeling of restlessness
There are a number of other feelings that you might experience and that's quiet alright; each of us experience grief differently.
Things I have done to help deal with my grief
1. I tried to give myself an adequate quantity of time to work thru the grief process prior to making big decisions or changes in my life. The time factor is dissimilar for everybody; some may be able to get thru it in a few months and others take longer. For the most part I feel that I was at the point of acceptance and prepared to move on with my life in a year. I don't mean to assert it was completely pass in a year though it was acceptable. I am not sure an individual ever gets fully past it. I've not yet and it's nearly 7 years since my spouse died.
2. After you have worked through the initial grief, it might be good to restructure your life, or to better outline who you are now. Death of a close loved one, like a spouse, has the tendency to change. Our perspective of ourselves as well as life. This was true for me and I found that I was prepared to make some significant changes in my way of life. It took just about a year to work it out, but once I did it opened up a totally new life which has brought much satisfaction.
3. I let go of objects that caused me to think of my loss. I felt a need to give away the majority of my wife's personal belongings. I kept some of her jewellery but plan to give everything away over time.
You may want to keep 1 or 2 mementoes. For me nevertheless , I feel I will need to let these things go slowly. I feel by doing so I'll also be letting my wife go, and letting the grief dissipate even more. I know my other half would not have wanted me to waste my life pining away for her. She would have wanted me to keep on with my life as soon as possible.
4. I found that writing about my experiences in my blog helped me to see thru the bad and see the good. If you do not have a blog, use a appreciation book; it will do miraculous things in helping to overcome a damaged heart. There's a lot of unhappiness and pain in life but there's also so much to live for that over shadows the negative.
5. I started a new hobby. I started to learn how to play the guitar and sing country and gospel songs. It has added hours of pleasure to my life. I am taking time each day to practice the new songs I've been taught and it also gives me a challenge and is a great source of exercise for my brain. It's been a source of healing for me.
6. I joined a support group with people who also were experiencing grief. Usually the larger churches have an ongoing support group. I joined one in my church and it was very helpful to be told how others were dealing with their grief.
7. I accepted the help and support of others. I had a brother-in-law who helped me a lot by keeping in contact with me during the tough times. There are those that love you that are nervous about you and they'd like to help you. Let them even if it doesn't turn out help you that much, they have to know they are trying to help.
8 .I've got a relationship with The Lord God . Of all the things that have helped me, my relationship with The Lord God has been the most helpful. God guarantees his grace to help us in all sorts of negative experiences that we go through in life. That incorporates the death of friends and even the time when we must face our own death.
9. I never used medicine during my grief and would never consider turning to drugs and alcohol. Drugs and drink only suppress grief; they keep the method from moving forward so that an individual becomes frozen in the state of grief and can not let it do its healing power.
10. I changed into a volunteer to help others. This is another thing that helped me tremendously. I joined a body that did volunteer construction and maintenance for establishments and individuals that would not afford to hire it done. It required me to go in my motor home to the locations and spend a few months there. This won't be OK for most, but there also are masses of opportunities for volunteer work in your own city or city.
Factors that impede the healing process
Never avoid or minimize your feelings. They're there for the purposes of helping you work thru your grief; let them do their job without resistance.
- Don't use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate or prescription drugs either if you're able to avoid it.They only delay the method of healing and never help move it forward.
- Do not avoid your feelings by utilizing work, school or socializing as a distraction. Facing up to our feelings allows us to cope with them and to get them behind us instead of having them floating around in the setting to always be ridiculing us
Conclusion
I realize that each one of us are dissimilar and have different wants and to generalize the grief process is not going to satisfy all needs for everybody, but I do accept that a general experience of how it functions is beneficial for all. I'm hoping that this post has been a help to you as you go through grief or the time in your future when it comes. If it has been a help, please share it with another person. If you're experiencing difficulty or you feel that you can not handle your grief, don't be afraid to get professional help.
.
.
I have handled grief many times in my life, but the hardest grief I have ever had to cope with was the lost of by spouse who was also my very best friend. Not only did I must lose her to death, but I also had to see her suffer the agony and anguish of cancer and die a slow and agonizing death. Everybody must experience grief at some specific point in our life. I'd like to help you if you're experiencing grief now, or when you do at some future time, by sharing how I dealt with the best grief of my life, and what I did that helped me the most.
Grief is the physical, emotional and psychological conditions experienced by a loss of someone close. It is the body's natural capability of healing our emotional injury. Mourning can be incredibly tough if there's a shortage of understanding. Usually it is experienced in three distinct phases which lead up to a last approval and ability to continue on with life:
1. The 1st phase is Shock or a denial of what has happened. This could last only a short time or can be elongated virtually indefinitely. The earlier one can come to grips with the grim reality of it, the better.
2. The second phase is The Expression of Grief which can take many alternative approaches such as anger, depression or an over whelming feeling of loss. This can persist for a few days, or for some even several years. I have known some who were never in a position to get past this phase.
3. The 3rd and last phase is Acceptance. The object of grief is to move someone gradually along through all 3 phases till finally they reach the point of approval. At that point they are now prepared to pick up their life, or seek a new direction for their life.
Understanding grief and knowing how to Deal with it is important. It is not that uncommon for someone to mourn themselves to death. Sometimes when somebody loses a loved one, they also die within a few months because of the stress it brings to their body. Although grief is a therapeutic process in itself, if it is not understood, and if care isn't brought to let it do its natural work, then the end results can be devastating. The objective is to handle grief in a way as to bring healing in a reasonable period.
Different ways of responding to grief
Grief is a standard and natural response to any sort of loss, particularly to the death of a friend or loved one. People make a response to loss in a variety of ways. Many ways are healthy and others are not quite so healthy. Grief, itself, is a coping mechanism, but it isn't difficult to hinder the grieving process by not understanding it and without knowing the proper way to work through it. Grieving is not a matter of just forgetting, nor is it a process that has to continue for evermore.
There are many emotions that different people feel at the loss of a friend or family member. I had just a few, but every person will have a different experience; some will experience few emotions while others may experience many. The most effective way is to let emotions run their course. Here is essentially what I experienced when I lost my better half to cancer:
- An occasional Session of crying
- A sadness in my heart
- A feeling or sensing the loved one's presence
- An occasional need to tell and retell stories about my loved one and the death experience
- An occasional feeling of restlessness
There are a number of other feelings that you might experience and that's quiet alright; each of us experience grief differently.
Things I have done to help deal with my grief
1. I tried to give myself an adequate quantity of time to work thru the grief process prior to making big decisions or changes in my life. The time factor is dissimilar for everybody; some may be able to get thru it in a few months and others take longer. For the most part I feel that I was at the point of acceptance and prepared to move on with my life in a year. I don't mean to assert it was completely pass in a year though it was acceptable. I am not sure an individual ever gets fully past it. I've not yet and it's nearly 7 years since my spouse died.
2. After you have worked through the initial grief, it might be good to restructure your life, or to better outline who you are now. Death of a close loved one, like a spouse, has the tendency to change. Our perspective of ourselves as well as life. This was true for me and I found that I was prepared to make some significant changes in my way of life. It took just about a year to work it out, but once I did it opened up a totally new life which has brought much satisfaction.
3. I let go of objects that caused me to think of my loss. I felt a need to give away the majority of my wife's personal belongings. I kept some of her jewellery but plan to give everything away over time.
You may want to keep 1 or 2 mementoes. For me nevertheless , I feel I will need to let these things go slowly. I feel by doing so I'll also be letting my wife go, and letting the grief dissipate even more. I know my other half would not have wanted me to waste my life pining away for her. She would have wanted me to keep on with my life as soon as possible.
4. I found that writing about my experiences in my blog helped me to see thru the bad and see the good. If you do not have a blog, use a appreciation book; it will do miraculous things in helping to overcome a damaged heart. There's a lot of unhappiness and pain in life but there's also so much to live for that over shadows the negative.
5. I started a new hobby. I started to learn how to play the guitar and sing country and gospel songs. It has added hours of pleasure to my life. I am taking time each day to practice the new songs I've been taught and it also gives me a challenge and is a great source of exercise for my brain. It's been a source of healing for me.
6. I joined a support group with people who also were experiencing grief. Usually the larger churches have an ongoing support group. I joined one in my church and it was very helpful to be told how others were dealing with their grief.
7. I accepted the help and support of others. I had a brother-in-law who helped me a lot by keeping in contact with me during the tough times. There are those that love you that are nervous about you and they'd like to help you. Let them even if it doesn't turn out help you that much, they have to know they are trying to help.
8 .I've got a relationship with The Lord God . Of all the things that have helped me, my relationship with The Lord God has been the most helpful. God guarantees his grace to help us in all sorts of negative experiences that we go through in life. That incorporates the death of friends and even the time when we must face our own death.
9. I never used medicine during my grief and would never consider turning to drugs and alcohol. Drugs and drink only suppress grief; they keep the method from moving forward so that an individual becomes frozen in the state of grief and can not let it do its healing power.
10. I changed into a volunteer to help others. This is another thing that helped me tremendously. I joined a body that did volunteer construction and maintenance for establishments and individuals that would not afford to hire it done. It required me to go in my motor home to the locations and spend a few months there. This won't be OK for most, but there also are masses of opportunities for volunteer work in your own city or city.
Factors that impede the healing process
Never avoid or minimize your feelings. They're there for the purposes of helping you work thru your grief; let them do their job without resistance.
- Don't use alcohol or drugs to self-medicate or prescription drugs either if you're able to avoid it.They only delay the method of healing and never help move it forward.
- Do not avoid your feelings by utilizing work, school or socializing as a distraction. Facing up to our feelings allows us to cope with them and to get them behind us instead of having them floating around in the setting to always be ridiculing us
Conclusion
I realize that each one of us are dissimilar and have different wants and to generalize the grief process is not going to satisfy all needs for everybody, but I do accept that a general experience of how it functions is beneficial for all. I'm hoping that this post has been a help to you as you go through grief or the time in your future when it comes. If it has been a help, please share it with another person. If you're experiencing difficulty or you feel that you can not handle your grief, don't be afraid to get professional help.
.
.
About the Author:
About the author: Jimmie Burroughs is a motivationalspeaker and writer who has been concerned in teaching Christian Private Developmentfor more than 30 years. There are more than 600 articles to help on his website www.JimmieBurroughs.com in your private growth. Be certain to take vantage of the FREE offer to get theeBook The 4 Pillars for Private Development while available.
