Discourse is a social grace, like dancing, but a philosopher once remarked that those who are most graceful are those who have had lessons. It is a pity that educators have neglected manners and social skills in favor of practical subjects like science and technology. The finer humanities are regarded as less important because they are thought to have less commercial validity. However, the importance of manners and effective communication is possibly not fully understood because it is instinctive to a large extent. First date conversation starters are left largely to chance.
Yet linguists know that phatic discourse, as it is called, is at the very heart of human affairs. Instinctively we know that when we say 'Hi' or 'Good Morning' the real meaning of our words is 'I'm a friend and not an enemy'. Such polite exchanges are important for smoothing the way in civilized polite society but are also rooted deeply in the instincts of living things.
Ants stop en route to their nests and wave antennae at each other. Dogs pause to sniff at each others' genitals. Horses communicate good or ill intentions with the flick of an ear. It seems that this sort of communication is a fundamental aspect of life.
An economist who developed what came to be known as game theory once illustrated the relevance of social discourse by walking up to a strange but beautiful girl and say exactly what his real intention were. Predictably she was horrified because he had broken the rules of a game. That game is to cloak our real intentions behind polite words.
Sophisticated people respect each other's physical space. They allow some inches of private space around other people. Intellectual room is permitted by a few moments of polite conversation before any serious matters are addressed.
First date conversation starters occur in this context. It is the wont of young men to try and appear witty, clever or confident as they start speaking appear. Unfortunately their efforts often backfire because the person they are trying to impress might regards their efforts as not being even as effective as those of an instinct. It best by far to stick to conventional forms. A good guide is to use see respect as the most important rule.
Yet linguists know that phatic discourse, as it is called, is at the very heart of human affairs. Instinctively we know that when we say 'Hi' or 'Good Morning' the real meaning of our words is 'I'm a friend and not an enemy'. Such polite exchanges are important for smoothing the way in civilized polite society but are also rooted deeply in the instincts of living things.
Ants stop en route to their nests and wave antennae at each other. Dogs pause to sniff at each others' genitals. Horses communicate good or ill intentions with the flick of an ear. It seems that this sort of communication is a fundamental aspect of life.
An economist who developed what came to be known as game theory once illustrated the relevance of social discourse by walking up to a strange but beautiful girl and say exactly what his real intention were. Predictably she was horrified because he had broken the rules of a game. That game is to cloak our real intentions behind polite words.
Sophisticated people respect each other's physical space. They allow some inches of private space around other people. Intellectual room is permitted by a few moments of polite conversation before any serious matters are addressed.
First date conversation starters occur in this context. It is the wont of young men to try and appear witty, clever or confident as they start speaking appear. Unfortunately their efforts often backfire because the person they are trying to impress might regards their efforts as not being even as effective as those of an instinct. It best by far to stick to conventional forms. A good guide is to use see respect as the most important rule.
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