Following the heartbreak of separation, or of a temporary split... everyday life will seem very different for all of the family. In this small article we look at ways in which the family can continue to function in as healthy a manner as possible. Primary focus must be on the children's routine and stability.
Your children will want and need your ex to be part of their life. Hence you cannot remove him or her from the children's life. The children need to understand that they still have two parents whom are both at the heart of their life.
You cannot psychologically repress - and you cannot physically avoid - your former partner. To do so would send out a clear message to your children that you cannot stand their other parent. You can hopefully get on with your ex on simple days out with the kids. So you should also be able to arrange such outings with your ex. Talk to the ex.
Disagreements are probable. After-all you must have had a large quantity of disagreements with your former partner in the past. However, for the children's sake you need to be able to reach agreements through communication. This will require compromise. Maybe it will be easier to get on with your ex due to the fact that you are no longer living with them. If so then that's great because not only will that be good for you and your ex... it will also be good for the kids. That will be good repair work!
You owe it to your children to put one hundred percent effort into making them happy. Tell them that this is your main concern in life. Problems will still emerge. So look at the calendar. Consider what problems are on the horizon. Maybe a birthday next month will cause tensions. If you think that future events are a worry then try and resolve these problems now so that they can pass smoothly.
Try and keep much of the rest of the children's lives as normal as possible. (i.e., as it was before the separation). Routine matters! Don't forget about things like healthy meals and clean teeth.
Keep the kids informed about the reality of what is happening. Keep them in the loop at all times. Reward the children for dealing with the reality of the separation in a mature way.
If the children suggest something for a special occasion such as Christmas then this needs to be handled with particular care. Christmas is an obvious example of an event where the children will inevitably have their own ideas that they wish to express. Let them express those ideas ... including articulating them to their other parent.
So dialogue is key between you, your former partner and your children. An example can be articulated here. Imagine that you have gone out on a weekend picnic with the children. Your ex has a right to know about this. Moreover your ex should be able to reach you by phone at any time. Virtually all children use email and the telephone. They too have the right to chat with their other parent using these means.
Your children will want and need your ex to be part of their life. Hence you cannot remove him or her from the children's life. The children need to understand that they still have two parents whom are both at the heart of their life.
You cannot psychologically repress - and you cannot physically avoid - your former partner. To do so would send out a clear message to your children that you cannot stand their other parent. You can hopefully get on with your ex on simple days out with the kids. So you should also be able to arrange such outings with your ex. Talk to the ex.
Disagreements are probable. After-all you must have had a large quantity of disagreements with your former partner in the past. However, for the children's sake you need to be able to reach agreements through communication. This will require compromise. Maybe it will be easier to get on with your ex due to the fact that you are no longer living with them. If so then that's great because not only will that be good for you and your ex... it will also be good for the kids. That will be good repair work!
You owe it to your children to put one hundred percent effort into making them happy. Tell them that this is your main concern in life. Problems will still emerge. So look at the calendar. Consider what problems are on the horizon. Maybe a birthday next month will cause tensions. If you think that future events are a worry then try and resolve these problems now so that they can pass smoothly.
Try and keep much of the rest of the children's lives as normal as possible. (i.e., as it was before the separation). Routine matters! Don't forget about things like healthy meals and clean teeth.
Keep the kids informed about the reality of what is happening. Keep them in the loop at all times. Reward the children for dealing with the reality of the separation in a mature way.
If the children suggest something for a special occasion such as Christmas then this needs to be handled with particular care. Christmas is an obvious example of an event where the children will inevitably have their own ideas that they wish to express. Let them express those ideas ... including articulating them to their other parent.
So dialogue is key between you, your former partner and your children. An example can be articulated here. Imagine that you have gone out on a weekend picnic with the children. Your ex has a right to know about this. Moreover your ex should be able to reach you by phone at any time. Virtually all children use email and the telephone. They too have the right to chat with their other parent using these means.
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