How long have you been struggling to solve marriage problems that have been hindering your happiness? More importantly, how much longer do you think you have until things completely fall apart and divorce is the only way out? If you are getting near the point of total desperation to fix your relationship, it is time to consider the way in which you are trying to communicate with one another.
What you want when you initiate a conversation with your spouse is for them to relax and be open to what you have to say. Yet, most people actually approach the conversation with a tone that is too rough or accusatory and essentially puts the other person on guard instead. This is not deliberate, but it is why so many people do not understand why their spouse doesn't respond to them well.
Maybe you are one of those people? If you have been wondering why your spouse shuts you out and just won't let you into their real thoughts and emotions, chances are the way you are asking for that entrance is pushing them away rather than drawing them near.
The issue is likely the huge rush of raw emotion that lies just behind every conversation you have with your spouse. This is an unavoidable fact of marital tension, but you have to recognize its existence before you can move beyond it. If you want to get through to your spouse, you will need to adopt new methods of opening conversations.
To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.
Next, you want to ensure that the way you open the conversation does not make them anticipate a fight. If they think you are upset with them or that you are blaming them for something they will immediately pull away instead of opening themselves to you.
Finally, write down what you want to say ahead of time and carefully select every single word so that you do not state things in an accusatory way. Say whatever you want to say but make it about your feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs. If you can state how much you still love them it may help as well.
You can start to fix marriage problems with a method such as this, but you cannot expect huge steps forward to be made right away. This will start to open the door for better communications so that the heart of your problems can be aired and eventually corrected.
What you want when you initiate a conversation with your spouse is for them to relax and be open to what you have to say. Yet, most people actually approach the conversation with a tone that is too rough or accusatory and essentially puts the other person on guard instead. This is not deliberate, but it is why so many people do not understand why their spouse doesn't respond to them well.
Maybe you are one of those people? If you have been wondering why your spouse shuts you out and just won't let you into their real thoughts and emotions, chances are the way you are asking for that entrance is pushing them away rather than drawing them near.
The issue is likely the huge rush of raw emotion that lies just behind every conversation you have with your spouse. This is an unavoidable fact of marital tension, but you have to recognize its existence before you can move beyond it. If you want to get through to your spouse, you will need to adopt new methods of opening conversations.
To begin with, you must approach your spouse at a time they are most open to communications. For instance, it will not suit you well to come at them when they just got laid off from a job or had a rough conversation with someone else on the phone.
Next, you want to ensure that the way you open the conversation does not make them anticipate a fight. If they think you are upset with them or that you are blaming them for something they will immediately pull away instead of opening themselves to you.
Finally, write down what you want to say ahead of time and carefully select every single word so that you do not state things in an accusatory way. Say whatever you want to say but make it about your feelings, thoughts, desires, and needs. If you can state how much you still love them it may help as well.
You can start to fix marriage problems with a method such as this, but you cannot expect huge steps forward to be made right away. This will start to open the door for better communications so that the heart of your problems can be aired and eventually corrected.
